Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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