smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
