i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
