You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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