yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
