I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
