Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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