UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
