why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
