Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
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I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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