yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
