the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I have post one night stand depression
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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