And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
What a dumb baby whore.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
