having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
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You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
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"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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