What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This is the high leading the old right now
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
