i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
