happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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