I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
