If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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