All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
