if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
