I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
