she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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