I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
