no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
