Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize