i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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