i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
