What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
