I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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