I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
