the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
