i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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