I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
