I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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