and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
