Cold hands, warm shart.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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