we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
