Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
