the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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