My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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