i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
