I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
