my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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