i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
