thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
