I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
