yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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