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At least make sure they are 18
Why
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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