What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I want a musical about memes.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
