yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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