Where are you?
In a non slutty way
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so let's talk penis.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
