okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
