New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
