she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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