hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
