Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
