Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
