I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
