We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
