Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
