I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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