DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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