On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
