i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Sober January is a disaster.
My vagina just recognized that song.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
did i just pee glitter
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize