5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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