you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
