In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
