he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
