Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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