dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Text me some of your sweat
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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