Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
