I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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